Dating Non-Readers
Personally, it's difficult for me to form strong bonds with people who do not share my passions. I love reading, I love horses, I love math, I love art, music, and nature. I love many things. One thing I love about reading and writing is that using words, I can express my love for all of those other things. The written word holds great power.
I've gone out with guys who were not readers. I've discussed books with them. I've suggested things they might enjoy reading. All of them gained something from what I said. At least, I'm pretty sure they did. Some of them have even picked up the books I've suggested and enjoyed them. I can't have a conversation and not mention reading. It's almost impossible.
That being said, I think it would be difficult for me to date someone long term or marry someone who didn't enjoy reading. Reading and writing are so important to me and I would need someone who understood where I was coming from in my love for words. They don't have to enjoy the same type of reading or books, but they would have to have some appreciation or I don't think we would click well enough to have a strong relationship.
I think it's also important to consider different forms of reading as well. I read mostly fiction. A lot of that fiction is fantasy. I know people who read mostly non-fiction or newspapers, magazines, comic books. There are many forms of written word that can qualify as reading. Even people who say they are not readers generally enjoy some form of reading. They just don't sit down with a novel.
I definitely would not let my love for reading get in the way of forming a relationship with someone that I really liked, I just think that I am unlikely to bond with someone who doesn't at least enjoy an occasional read. They don't have to share my passion, they just have to understand and appreciate it.
What do you think of dating non-readers? Does being a reader or non-reader have an affect on your relationships? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Tuesday Talks is a weekly discussion created by Janie and Janelle. You can find the goodreads group here. It's always fun to have bookish discussions with other readers, so join in the fun!
All very valid points Courtney. And I can understand what you are saying too. It is important for friends and family to understand our love of reading. I also like to talk about books I have read or just about the joy I feel in general.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are more meaningful when you can understand each other. Even if you don't share the same passions and hobbies, it's important to understand what's important to those around you. Thanks for reading!
DeleteSee, I can't be close friends with someone and not introduce them to the awesomesauce world that we call... "Reading." Like, if we're close friends, I know the person pretty well and I know what they like. So usually, I can find something that they might like to read. So, pretty much all my close friends like to read and the ones who don't have still picked up and enjoyed at least SOME books. I like to suroound myself with people who can understand phrases like "ERMAGAWSH I DON'T EVEN KNOW!" "I CAN'T EVEN!" "WHY ARE YOU CHOOSING HIM?!?!! THAT IDIOT!! NO STOP!!" "MY SHIP IS SAAAAAAIIIiiLLlllLLIIINNNGGGG!!!" and such. I've even made my sister read. I can't share a room with a person who don't adore books.
ReplyDeleteSo, what I'm trying to say is, whether it be someone I'm dating, a close friend, a family member, anybody that I see frequently, they must be a reader of some sort. Perhaps they're the "I only read Wattpad because (enter celebrity here)!" or they may only read newspapers or they may love YA! They must read! And they have to value words. If not, I don't know how I'm going to have a conversation with them!
Like, any day, if a friend and I are talking about music, we probably started out talking about If I Stay, if we're talking about a movie, it's probably an adaptation, if we're talking about guys, it's probably Chaol Westfall or Day or Will or whoever. So, ya....
Woah! Sorry for such a long reply!! But awesome post! XD
Follower via Bloglovin', follow back?
~Fari 0:) @ My Little Corner for Books
Thanks for reading and commenting! I totally get where you're coming from. I have to have other readers around me. I can't seem to have good relationships with people who don't love some form of reading and just words in general. Even if all they read are song lyrics (I'm a HUGE lyrics person, I have to read lyrics). I love getting people into reading and discussing my favorite books and my favorite characters and just all things books! :D I'm going to go check out your blog now. :)
DeleteI have to admit, I don't think I would mind so much if my significant other was a non-reader. While it would be totally awesome to bond with them through your shared love of books, I wouldn't not date them simply because they don't share the same passion. Honestly, as long as they don't actively insult me and my book-loving habits, I don't really care what they like. I would make every effort to accept them and their hobbies, no matter how much I hate them, and I would expect the same in return. I'm obviously not going to force him to sit down and read with me, but I'll recommend some books and if he wants to read them, he can, otherwise it's his loss.
ReplyDeleteGreat discussion! Here's mine if you wanna check it out :) http://myfantabulousbookshelf.blogspot.com/2015/02/tuesday-talks-dating-non-readers.html
It definitely wouldn't stop me from dating someone if we had something in common and just enjoyed being with each other. I just haven't had the best of experiences with that in the past (in any form of relationship). I've always felt like people were trying to change my hobbies instead of accepting that sometimes I just wanted to sit and read. People have just tended not to understand where I was coming from in the past. It's definitely changed somewhat in more recent years. Thanks for reading! :D
DeleteI am marrying a guy that loves to read but has a very narrow scope of what he reads. He focuses a lot political books and "how to" books from Appalachia. He is too busy with work these days to read much but I hope to expand his reading horizons, especially in the fantasy genre.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, we share enough other interests that him not being as much of a reader as me is not a problem. He likes the books that I lend him that he can read when he has time. He can also accept me sitting and being nonverbal for 4-5 hours reading while he plays Skyrim. It's all about balance I guess.
It's definitely a balance thing. It's great that you guys can work so well together! I have had lots of friends who are not readers, but when people put me down because of my readings habits, that's not cool. It's just important to understand what's important to the people around you. We don't all like the same things (even if we all liked to read, we wouldn't like the same books), but we can respect each others interests and hobbies. So I agree, it's balance and perspective. Thanks for reading! :D
DeleteI like that you mentioned that you wouldn't let your love of reading get in the way of forming a relationship with someone that you really like. Since there do seem to be a lot of people that don't necessarily read a whole lot, you wouldn't want to limit yourself from finding someone that could potentially sweep you off your feet. But also, I completely understand your point on it being difficult to form bonds with someone who doesn't share at least one of your passions. I have found myself to be in that kind of situation before, and it's difficult to feel like I can talk about the things I really enjoy with them without it seeming like I'm going overboard. But as long as there is a give and take on both ends, and maybe even both parties trying something new and finding out what exactly makes the other person feel so passionate about it, then maybe it will lead to both of them starting to share the same passions :) I hope that made sense and I loved your post. Great job.
ReplyDelete